Dogmom's Dish

Operation Bombshell In The Headlines: Lily Burana On Cover Of NYT

I Love A Man In A Uniform is one of my favorite books of the year. 

I had no connection to the military until one of my MBA classmates got remarried to a Navy commander. He's literally been at sea for half of their three year marriage.  She gave our group of gal pals this book to help us understand her new world.

Lily Burana is a wild-child turned dancer turned author and Army wife...her take on the stresses faced by the families of the deployed is mixed with equal parts grace and humor, all in the name of coping.

 It's a life very foreign to me, with intricate sets of unwritten rules and politics I'm only beginning to understand...the least of which is why my friend, a super successful business woman had to be shipped off pre-wedding for classes in everything from protocol to how to throw a proper tea.

Burana shines the light on these unwritten rules, expectations, and busts a number of stereotypes...it's a refreshing look at the surprisingly diverse group of men and women who, along with their families, serve our country.

She could have stayed home baking birthday cakes, but once you read the book (or her excellent first book Strip City), you'll understand why.  Instead, she found a way to mesh her talents with the needs of wives enduring long and frequently multiple deployments. She created Operation Bombshell (self-described as a "PG-rated burlesque class" and has taught the class across the entire country.

Today's New York Times article highlights her continuing efforts to help Army wives build community with a dash of glamour and a feather boa filled with fun.

photo courtesy of NYT

Read My Pins: Fashion & The Art Of Negotation

After being branded an "unparalleled serpent" by Saddam Hussein's poet-in-residence, Madeleine Albright had an epiphany.  She knew exactly what to wear to her next meeting with the deceased dictator--an oversize serpent brooch.

She went on to use pins to telegraph her intentions to fellow diplomats as well as reporters.  Ladybugs and smiling suns?  Room to maneuver.  Crabs and wasps? Diplomatic equivalents of don't mess.

With more than 200 photographs, stories, and insights from one of the most important diplomats of our time, this is the perfect last minute gift for your favorite fashionista or international affairs aficionado.

World's Worst Seat Mate & Jackass of the Year

We've all had seat mates from hell, but this one takes the cake, er, the snake.

Michael Plank of Lomita, CA was arrested last week at LAX after a 15 hour flight from Sydney.  He had 15 exotic reptiles (including 11 skinks) strapped to his body.  Crikey!!

This shouldn't be a huge surprise, given that animal trafficking is the third largest illegal trade in the world after drugs and arms.  Estimated at $20 billion, individuals and networks buy and sell live animals as well as skins and parts to collectors and manufacturers.

I recently read Bryan Christy's excellent book, The Lizard King: The True Crimes and Passions of the World's Greatest Reptile Smugglers.  It's astonishing, eye opening, and downright scary. 

In the US, Fish and Wildlife agents are responsible for investigating and busting up smuggling rings.  The book follows one agent who dedicates his career to putting a notorious father and son behind bars.  It's an intriguing and illuminating read--now available in paperback.

May your Thanksgiving travels be safe and skink-free!!

photo courtesy of Amazon

US Army: Dodging Psychological Bullets Is No Easy Mission

"A great source of strength is what we derive from each other."

-John McHugh, the Secretary of the U.S. Army, at a November 6 news conference to update the public on the deadly Fort Hood shooting rampage.

If a team is only as strong as its weakest members, the Army is improving efforts to care for its own.  Secretary McHugh and Army Chief of Staff, General George Casey pointed to several new programs, including an anonymous, online tool to measure comprehensive soldier fitness and direct soldiers to appropriate support modules.  Casey also detailed a program to develop "master resilience trainers" to provide ongoing support to troops and their families.

It's an undisputed tragedy that these and other efforts weren't enough to prevent the Fort Hood massacre.  Despite being under ongoing surveillance, demonstrating red flag raising behaviors in the workplace, and expressing reservations about an upcoming deployment, Major Hassan was still officially considered fit to serve.  Unofficially he was expected to "suck it up". 

Author Lily Burana, highlights how sucking it up can be both a rallying cry as well as a damaging torment.  

Her book, I Love A Man In Uniform, offers a personal, in-depth look at the Army's treatment and prevention efforts for psychological wounds, especially PTSD.  Burana gives an unflinching and insightful look at Army life from the perspective of an ex-stripper, successful author, and newlywed wife of an officer now at West Point. 

Alternately funny and heart wrenching, she illuminates the ongoing struggle of how the Army is dealing with the complex demands of supporting troops and their families.  One of the most striking facets of the book is how diverse members of the Army family are.  I was constantly struck by how the singular focus on mission united individuals and enabled them to function as a unit, despite surface differences.  Would they pal around in the real world?  Probably not.  Would they take a bullet for their brother soldier?  Without question.

An amazing real-life example of mission trumping all else is best demonstrated by medic Specialist Francisco DeLaserna during the Ft. Hood shootings.  After applying tourniquets to Kimberly Munley, the civilian police officer responsible for downing Hassan, he turned his attention to saving Hassan's life.  No questions, no drama, just the focused execution of his training. 

In his interview with CNN, I was blown away by how this articulate and soft spoken young man described the scene and his response.  The only thing that seemed to cause him any discomfort was in answering questions about how his fellow soldiers are dealing with the aftermath.    He said, "No one really knows what to say....what to think."

My wish for all soldiers and their families is that they receive the training, skills, and support to battle psychological bullets that can be as deadly as the real thing.

images courtesy of CNN and Amazon

The Other Woman: Epidemic or Status Quo?

Reports on messy affairs are giving H1N1 a run for its money.  Forget spring fever, infidelity seems to be a year round plague these days.

There's a more virulent strain of crazy these days that's leading more adulterers to contact the cops first and tell the wife later.  Just ask ESPN broadcaster (and former Met's manager) Steve Phillips.  His summer long affair with 22-year old staffer Brooke Hundley has landed him in more than hot water. 

Brooke not only contacted Phillips' wife Marni with an explicit hand-delivered letter, she then crashed her car into the family's home. At least she didn't go all Amy Fisher and shoot her in the head. 

It's sad that stories like this barely cause a raised eyebrow, even for the non-Botoxed among us.  Seems like the list of lapses reads like a Who's Who of the spoiled and powerful.  Unfortunately, even those in the spotlight aren't immune and when it happens to a friend or family member, it suddenly becomes very real.

Seven months pregnant with her first child and home late from another day at her high-powered job, one of my best friends was met by a stony faced husband with two words.  I'm leaving.  Married for five years without a hint of trouble, these two seemed like the perfect couple--they surfed together, volunteered in a soup kitchen on weekends, and spent hours playing with their adorable dogs. 

Leave he did--with his younger executive assistant.  Even though it's been six years, I still get emotional about the agony he put my beautiful friend through. She went on to marry an amazing man and still lives in the same city, sharing joint custody with the ex.  

I recently asked her how she keeps from flipping out every time she has to deal with him.  Her answer?  I'm not angry anymore.  She then gave me a book that helped her put the entire mess behind her.  After reading it, I have more of a perspective and even more admiration for her kind heart. 

The Other Woman contains stories from some of my favorite authors--Jane Smiley and Pam Houston.  Best of all, the stories are true and since it was published right after the post-James Frey blow-up, any details that have been fictionalized are noted clearly.

The most riveting story comes from Dean McDermott's (of Tori Spelling and Dean fame) ex-wife Mary Jo Eustace.  She details the shock of hearing those dreaded words, I'm leaving.  Much like my friend, she had no warning, no inkling that anything was out of the ordinary. 

Oh how life can change in a split second.

I

Tell Me A Story All Night Long: San Francisco's Annual LitCrawl

Congrats to organizers and volunteers for another over-the-top event.  250+ authors read their work in more than 40 bars, boutiques, and restaurants.  The three phases moved from the area near one BARTs to the other, accompanied by some of SF's newly famous food carts.

Unfortunately, I traded dining in for dashing...maybe next year!

I started out @ Casanova for the SF Writers' Grotto...my favorite event last year.  Although Po Bronson was a no-show, his colleagues still made it special.  Andy Raskin was the perfect emcee for the evening's theme of crazy, randomly twittering the word and reading the first thing that popped up.  Walmart, embarrassing parents, and medication figured prominently.  (check out his hilarious book The Ramen King and I)

Bollyhood Cafe was a great space for hosting a group of writers from the Middle East, South Asia and Afghanistan.  Thanks to the sweetie who gave up his bar stool so that I could see...I owe you a $3 beer!  I heard some great stories, especially the last one about a beauty shop, but couldn't hear the names clearly.  Guess I'll just have to read everything by everyone there...Shilpa Agarwal, Elmaz Abinader, Tamim Ansary, Rabih Alameddine, Majula Menon, and Shanti Sekaran. 

I ended the night standing sideways inside the Lone Palm.  Totally worth it to hear Katie Crouch read the story "But First, Let Me Tell You What We Ate".  Here's an excerpt from a story about memory flash points and tough decisions faced by mobile twenty-somethings. Her new book Girls In Trucks is equally illuminating.

photo courtesy of Shelly Eades/SF Chronicle

Relevant Book Of The Week: The Ayatollah Begs To Differ, The Paradox Of Modern Iran

Hooman Majd was born in Iran and lived the life of a diplo-brat before becoming a writer.  His most recent book The Ayatollah Begs to Differ: The Paradox of Modern Iran couldn't have been more prescient when it won universal acclaim last year, including top honors from The Economist. 

Today, it's an essential guide to understanding post-election events as well as the latest salvo by reformists--the unprecendented request by a group of former lawmakers to a powerful body of clerics to investigate Supreme Leader, Ayatollah Khamenei.

Despire having spent a formative point in my childhood watching the nightmarish hostage situation unfold, I've never truly understood the relationship between the Ayatollahs, other clerics, and the rest of Iran's Islamic Republic government.  The book provides an easy to follow crash course with stories from Persian and Shia culture to illustrate concepts and how they inform all aspects of modern Iranian life.   

I especially liked Hajd's numerous examples of tarouf, a social ritual of faux politeness that turns Western one-upmanship on its head.  This, combined with the great tradition of Iranian hospitality, can put visitors such as Hajd in sticky situations, such as when he has to find a way to gracefully extricate himself from an afternoon of opium smoking without offending his host. 

In addition to these cultural principles, you'll come away with a richer understanding of the importance to Iranian culture of public vs. private behavior and how that has shaped all aspects of daily life. These help to explain many Americans' surprise at the 'normalcy' of Tehranians in the recent Jon Stewart/Daily Show interview series.

Majd also uses interviews and anecdotes to help readers understand why Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has been alternately cheered and reviled for his unique interpretation of Islamic principles.  He also delves into his sartorial choices--those ill-fitting suits and windbreakers aren't accidents. 

Check out this great read and tune in to what's going on in Iran.  That's a story that's bound to continue long after you finish the book.

Scientific Proof That Not Eating Chocolate Makes Life Feel Unfair

Here's another reason to grab a chocolate bar when life sucks.  A UCLA study has found that lowered serotonin levels effect how we perceive fair and unfair treatment.  Volunteer subjects played an economic bargaining game called the Ultimatum Game in which two subjects given a fixed dollar amount must agree on whether or not presented offers are acceptable. 

Individuals with lowered levels of serotonin were much more likely to reject what they perceived to be unfair offers than those with normal levels of serotonin. Researchers didn't probe the linkage between depression and anxiety, but did say that these findings provide insight into impulsive aggression.

Bottom line: keep an emergency stash of Hershey's kisses and don't send me a lowball best-offer on eBay until I've had mine. (-:

Doghead: Denmark's John Irving

Murakami's Secret Book

No book tours and talk show appearances for one of Japan's most beloved authors. Haruki Murakami felt burned by fans with his last novel. According to them, the advance praise didn't quite live up to the hype. So this time around, everything about his new novel 1Q84 has been on the QT. Only the release date and title are being publicized.

The less is more strategy seems to be working -- the publisher increased the book's first printing by 25% after advance orders started pouring in. No word on when the English translation will be released. In the meantime, check out After the Quake, a collection of short stories and an excellent introduction Murakami's work. Berkeley Rep adapted these into an exquisite play that I'm still thinking about two years later.